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Praying for Disney to Thaw

Frozen-logo

Look, I understand “Frozen” made a ton of money and money makes the world go round, but I’m almost to my breaking point with this damn film.

It’s been nearly two years and the Disneyworld parks are still an absolute mess with this movie.  Hollywood Studios has it the worst. In addition to housing the “For The First Time In Forever: A Frozen Sing-Along” in their Hyperion Theater (previous home to the “American Idol Experience”), for the second straight year they’ve dedicated the summer to “Frozen Summer Fun LIVE!” – which features the twice-daily “Frozen Royal Welcome” parade, a DJ in the center of the park playing questionable song mashups and a nightly “Frozen”-themed fireworks show. Hollywood Studios even has a store dedicated solely to “Frozen” merchandise.

If it stopped at Hollywood Studios it probably wouldn’t be that bad, honestly. The “Sing-Along” is actually more fun than I am comfortable admitting and the fireworks show is one of the best I’ve ever seen (though the “plot” that accolmpanies it is tedious. I think Olaf ends up learning the true meaning of Summer or something like that. Who cares.).

But they didn’t stop there.

Magic Kingdom has handed over the Princess Fairytale Hall to Anna and Elsa for nearly two years now. I’m not a fan of the Fairytale Hall anyway, as they dumped a storybook ride for it – “Snow White’s Scary Adventures” – and storybook rides are an endangered species at this point (unlike “Frozen” attractions).

Now Disney has also announced plans to dump “Stitches Great Escape!” at the Magic Kingdom for a “Frozen”-theme’d circumstance featuring Olaf. Not sure what Olaf or “Frozen” has to do with Tomorrowland. It appears like it’s just gonna be the same attraction with a snowman because…why not, I guess?

Olaf's Great Escape Olaf's Great Escape

That brings us to Epcot and the changes that hurt the most. I didn’t love the “Maelstrom” at the Norway pavilion (though it was funny to see Norwegian culture boiled down to oil rigs and trolls), but “Arendelle” – no matter how much money the movie made – isn’t a real place. The “Maelstrom” at least was about Norway. It’s just such a shame to see something as perfect as the World Showcase get commercialized.

Every few years folks get all excited about there maybe being new pavilions constructed at Epcot. “Maybe we’ll get Russia or Brazil,” they say.

Nope.

For the first time in forever, there will be a new addition to the showcase and that addition is a place that doesn’t even exist (please don’t start me on “Pandora” at Animal Kingdom).

Frozen at EpcotAnd right next to the Norway (and inspired by Norway) pavilion will be the new meet-and-greet area for Anna and Elsa. It’s a space easily big enough to house a new pavilion, but it won’t. In fairness, I don’t know what it takes to get a country interested in sponsoring a pavilion. I have no idea what the implications are, what it would cost or how one establishes a program to bring folks from those countries over to the U.S. to staff a new pavilion.

But I do know in a park dedicated to cultural exchange and education, they will now be highlighting culture from a country that isn’t real. And that is kind of disappointing.

I love Disney. Disney and Atlantic City (I can’t explain it) are the only places on Earth I can relax and consistently enjoy myself. But it feels like sometimes the pursuit of money clouds the vision. Like how most of the stores at the parks and hotels all basically sell the same stuff now (with very few exceptions). Animal Kingdom does such a wonderful job of teaching and promoting conservation and now we are getting “Pandora – The World of Avatar” which I can’t begin to imagine furthering any of those causes because it’s based on fiction (and for the record, is an overrated movie which benefited from amazing timing).

At the end of the day, “Frozen” attractions will be featured in three of the four parks which – best I can find – is absolutely unprecedented (“Toy Story” and “The Little Mermaid” both have attractions in two parks).

Star Wars Launch BayThings are starting to look up, thankfully. The Summer of “Frozen” will be over come next week at Hollywood Studios and, in it’s place, Disney will start promoting “Star Wars: The Force Awakens.” A new attraction called the “Star Wars Launch Bay” will be taking over the animation court yard later this year. It’ll be filled with special exhibits and behind-the-scenes material for the upcoming film. I’m sure it’ll have droids and merchandise and it’ll be glorious.

In all of the D23 coverage, I also recall reading something about a “Star Wars”-themed fireworks show as well.

But, honestly, it may be too late. No matter how hot it gets in Florida, “Frozen” won’t be running down the storm drain anytime soon. One day I’m sure another movie will come along to replace it. Might be one of the new “Star Wars” films.

My luck it’ll probably be “Frozen 2.”

(Disclaimer: Author still loves Disney and Disney will still get all of his money.)

(Images: Disney / Disney Blog)

 

 

 

Corey Jenkins
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Corey Jenkins

Corey lives three miles from Disneyworld. He loves Batman, but hates Superman. He loves Star Wars but is indifferent to Star Trek. He's the last one to go into a Frozen sing-a-long and the last one to leave. He actually owns a Wii-U and uses it.
Corey Jenkins
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Corey Jenkins

Corey lives three miles from Disneyworld. He loves Batman, but hates Superman. He loves Star Wars but is indifferent to Star Trek. He's the last one to go into a Frozen sing-a-long and the last one to leave. He actually owns a Wii-U and uses it.

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